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Feature Story
Domestic Discipline and Spanking

The Editor
The Spanking News

Note from The Editor:

I received a few letters a little while ago from a woman we will call Linda, and I thought it would make a great feature article about the subject of Domestic Discipline. For those of you who have never heard of DD before, at first glance you may think it is no different then other stories of a husband spanking his wife. But the main difference that needs to be pointed out at the start, is the pleasure aspect.

Most people who practice spanking do so because of the sexual thrill behind it. They like to read stories about it, some like to look at pictures, and even watch videos of spankings for a sexual turn-on. With a Domestic Discipline relationship however, a spanking is given as a real punishment, without any sexual gratification. In fact, any link between the spanking and sex is strongly discouraged. I just wanted to mention this first, and what you are about to read actually happens in many households around the world. I have added some pictures to help illustrate the article myself, but please note these are not pictures of Linda.

It is a little bit of a long read, and is probably not as graphic as most guys would like. But the women readers of this site may find it very interesting. Enjoy!

Domestic Discipline
by Linda
Oct 09/2005

What exactly is real Domestic Discipline? Well, I thought I would do a search on the internet to see what others had to say on the subject first before giving my definition. And after my search I was shocked at what some people "think" it is, and how others simply disguise it as another form of porn. After seeing this with my own eyes I was not surprised when I found another page by a few self proclaimed marriage experts, who slam Domestic Discipline as a form of abuse and quickly write it off as another variation of BDSM.

Part of the problem is that so many people do their own thing and then slap the DD logo on it, leaving others who have no clue on the subject, thinking this what DD is really about. Some use the bible as a reason for Domestic Discipline, and others simply think the man is the head of the household and should be able to discipline his wife whenever he thinks she needs it. As you will read, my definition is quite different from the simple explanations given above.

I am not going to try to pass myself off as an expert. My husband and I started using Domestic Discipline in our marriage 12 years ago, and during that time I have helped many of my friends. and their friends, come up with a plan that is right for them. It has worked for all of us for many years now, and not one has said it was a bad decision. The only complaint a few have had, is they wished they would have started sooner.

First, some background.

Before we started Domestic Discipline in our home, our marriage was deteriorating and it was only a matter of time before we would join the ranks of being a divorced couple, after only a few short years of marriage. We were arguing and fighting constantly about literally everything, and quiet discussions quickly turned into full blown shouting matches. Sometimes we would make up shortly after one of these episodes, yet other times we would go for days hardly speaking to each other. The problem was that when we would make up, we were not actually dealing with what caused the altercation in the first place. We were just sweeping everything under the rug knowing that sooner or later we would be dealing with the same issues again, but with increased anger and ferocity.

Around this time I spoke with a friend who was a psychology major, and told her I was honestly thinking about divorce because I couldn't continue living like this. She was very understanding and patient and together we went over everything and searched out what was causing all the problems. But most importantly we wanted how these problems could be avoided. It didn't take long to discover what I really knew all along.. the vast majority of the arguments and fights were caused by me!

I used to work late without the courtesy of calling my husband to let him know. I used to go on spending sprees, racking up the credit card. I used to be lazy and not due my share of work around the house. I used to have a bad habit of swearing around the house, sometimes when company was over. I even used to complain about the hotel and other stupid things when my husband would take me away on a romantic weekend together.

The list goes on, but it was my self... not my husband that caused the majority of confrontations. The only thing I could think of that he did, was how he would sometimes leave jobs that needed to be done around the house until the weekend. I didn't realize at the time that this was because his work was very physical, and he would work long hours during the day. It was understandable that he was exhausted when he came home, and had little time to relax since he would have to wake up the next day at 5:00am


I thought our problems were solved when I was finally made aware of what I was doing to cause the confrontations, and then vowed simply not to do them anymore. That was easily said then done. Although I stopped doing some of the things that made us fight, others I could not or I would let myself slip. Sure we had 50% less fights, but it was 50% more then I wanted. When I spoke to my psychology friend again, she understood why I was having this problem and it was basically because I have been getting away with this type of behavior for a good part of my life.

She proposed that I needed to pay some sort of penalty so I would stop doing what I was doing. At first she suggested putting money into a cookie jar every time I screwed up, but I dismissed that idea because I probably wouldn't do it every time and since we shared our money who would that really be hurting? Another suggestion was writing out lines like teachers used to make us do in school. At first I thought this might be a good idea, but the time involved wouldn't really be practical as it would be the same as when my husband and I wouldn't speak to each other for hours after a disagreement. I asked her how she has such a great marriage and how she able to control herself to avoid the same problems I have.  

Her first answer was that she identified what was causing the problems like we had done, and that she simply stopped doing them. She then went on to say that she grew up with a set of rules and boundaries when she was younger, so it was no problem when she was older to respect rules and boundaries. So for herself everything was very simple. But I told her unfortunately for myself, I didn't have a lot of rules to follow when I was a kid, especially when I was a teen. I basically did what I wanted and rarely faced any consequences for my actions. That was my problem. It wasn't that my parents didn't care about me, it was just that during difficult times they never knew how to deal with me.  

When I asked my friend how she learned to respect rules and guidelines her answer shocked me a little bit. She told me she was spanked, and spanked hard by her parents every time she broke the rules of the household. I sat wide eyed as my friend who I used to think was born being a "good girl" was actually quite a hand full growing up. She calmly went into details about the punishments she would receive until she was 16 years old. Stories of how she would be told to take down her jeans and panties and go over her mother's or father's knee, for what she described as a "good old fashioned spanking".

I now understood why she grew up so well behaved, although we were back to square one as far as myself was concerned. She jokingly said something like "It sounds like you could use a good spanking, Linda. But I doubt that would be something you would want to ask from your husband." We both laughed and I agreed at first, but then after thinking for a bit I asked her why not? If it would correct my behavior, spare us from fighting and then be over with fairly quickly maybe it would be a good idea. She mentioned that there actually is a plan that involves what I was speaking of, and that it is called "Domestic Discipline", but it is discouraged by most marriage counselors.

This was the first time I have ever heard of DD, but the more she told me about it, the more it made perfectly good sense for people like myself. I knew I was not the only person who grew up the way I did, and actually had a few friends who were selfish and treated their husbands the same way. Many had divorced, and others were on the verge of it like I was. The ones who divorced blamed their partner, but when subsequent relationships also failed I could plainly see the same pattern starting all over again. I didn't want that to happen to me.  

Unfortunately my friend did not know much about Domestic Discipline, and at first seemed totally against it because of obvious politically correct reasons. But she promised she would check into it more, and see if she could find more info or some lecture notes on the subject. When we got back together the following week, she gave me a binder with about 100 pages of notes from various authors. We went through all of them and pieced together a plan of action that was geared completely towards me, and women like me who fit the same profile.

Shortly after that, I took the plan to my husband who was a little confused at first. At first he thought it was some sort of sex game, but as he read the notes he understood that it was definitely something worth trying. His biggest concern was that he didn't want to harm me, so we agreed right at the beginning that for all discipline he would only use his hand.. no hairbrushes or belts, and he would keep the force low but continue the spanking for a longer period of time.

Guidelines to follow

Now that we have my background out of the way, lets move on to some simple rules to follow for Domestic Discipline:

1. Sit down and talk to each other first.. and I mean really talk to each other about the problems you may be having, and how Domestic Discipline could help. This should NOT be something you do on a whim or as a one time "quick fix" for a particular situation.

2. The key to Domestic Discipline and spanking is that it is NEVER forced on the woman. Both of you will set out a list of guidelines and agree to them, and most importantly you will agree what will happen if the rules are broken.

3. If a rule or something you have agreed on has been broken and a spanking is to be administered, again it must NEVER be forced. There should absolutely be no whining, fighting or grabbing of a person. Since YOU have agreed to a list of conditions and YOU have broken one of them, it is time for you to submit to your husband and accept the punishment for your actions.

4. I will be honest and not try to candy-coat anything. I cringe when I know I am going to be spanked. I don't think I need to say it, but is not fun and it hurts! So here is how a good spanking should be administered.

a. Your husband should sit in a straight back chair if you have one. A kitchen chair without arms is usually the best choice. Without being told, the woman should take this chair and place it in the center of the living room. Note I say living room and not bedroom or bathroom. There should be no one at home, so there is no reason why this punishment should be done behind closed doors. Yes I am sure myself and other women would prefer the added privacy being disciplined in the safety of our bedrooms, but remember this is a punishment and we are not supposed to be comfortable.

b. Preparation.
Once you husband is seated in the chair, again without being told lower your pants to your knees and then lower your panties to your knees as well. If you are wearing a dress or skirt, reach under and lower your panties to your knees and hold up your skirt. Yes your bottom must be bared, and you should do as much as possible to assist in this preparation. Some may be tempted to order the woman to be completely nude. This is discouraged because it can create a sexual atmosphere, and this act should not be sexual at all.

c) Position.
Lay over your husbands lap and adjust yourself so your hips are over his right knee. If he asks you to move slightly forward or back, do so compliantly. Your legs should be straight with feet together and toes on the floor, and both hands should also be on the floor. If you are very petite or your husband is very large this may not be possible. In this case let your legs hang down but still keep your feet firmly together and let your head and upper body drop as low as possible. Yes this position is embarrassing since it angles your bottom up high, but again this is a punishment and your goal at the moment is to present yourself in the best possible position for your husband.

The Spanking

5. The Spanking
a) Time for the dreaded spanking.
Remember this is something that was agreed on, and now must be done. Your husband should start spanking you by alternating each smack with his open palm on your left buttock, right and then the middle by striking both at the same time. A proper spanking does not have to follow this exact pattern, but it is important not to just spank the same area over and over. Your husband should give attention to her entire bottom for best effect.

b) While you are being spanked a flood of emotions may come over you. These may range from embarrassment, anger, guilt, and shame. For myself I always feel embarrassment when I take down my pants and panties (not because I am in front of my husband, but because I am preparing myself for a spanking), and also because myself, a professional with a fortune 500 company, is over her husbands knee getting spanked like a child. The embarrassment stays with me until the first 10 firm spanks and then my emotions shift to anger. I become angry my husband is actually spanking me, and then angry at myself for letting myself get into this position by breaking one of the rules we had set out. Guilt and shame then quickly follow and I always begin to cry after only 30 seconds into the spanking. As the spanking continues, I truly feel sorry for what I have done.

c) I believe there should be no firm limit on how many slaps a woman should receive or a set time limit in terms of a number minutes a woman should be spanked. The husband should continue to spank his wife until he generally feels she is remorseful and has learned a lesson. Stopping too early is the biggest mistake. For example stopping during the anger phase will make the entire spanking pointless. The woman must go through guilt and shame and shed real tears for the spanking to serve its real purpose to correct behavior.

a) After the spanking.
After the husband has delivered a proper spanking, the wife will most likely be in tears sobbing, possibly uncontrollably. She should not be forced up on her feet at this moment. The woman should stay over the knee until she has finished crying and no fresh tears are falling. When it is time for her to rise off the lap, she should be comforted for a short time and reassured that the spanking was administered out of love and to correct her behavior. Some women will instantly feel a very close bond and stronger love for their husband at this moment, and some may even wish to have sex with their partner.. not because the spanking has excited or pleasured them sexually, but rather because the love they feel has increased. Sometimes a woman also wishes to have sex as a way to apologize and "make up" for whatever behavior caused the punishment.

It is very important NOT to have sex after the spanking when emotions and feelings are so high. If the couple begins to associate discipline with great sex afterwards, mixed signals may be received and one might find the woman purposely doing things to earn a spanking simply for the sex. I think this is part of the reason the ill informed think Domestic Discipline is a front for BDSM or other erotic encounters.

Corner time

b) Corner time.
Corner time is an important part of the whole punishment and is sometimes looked at as an extension of the punishment, but it really is not. The woman is told to either stand or kneel in the corner, usually with her hands at her sides or on top of her head. Her pants and panties should be left down (or skirt/dress tucked into waistband), and she should be left to reflect her actions and the punishment she received for a certain time period.
Although a woman may feel some embarrassment at being told to stay in this position, many women often report they feel a certain calm and peacefulness during this time. The amount of time she should stay in the corner should be set out by the husband, and in general she should remain in this position for a minimum of 15 minutes to a maximum of 30 minutes. I have heard stories of women being told to remain in the corner for an hour and in my opinion this is too long. She may wish to be alone for an hour or even hours after a spanking, but the time spent in the corner is meant so she can reflect on her actions and not meant to be a marathon.

When the time limit has been reached, the husband must come to his wife and tell her that the punishment is over, all is forgiven, and she may dress. The woman should wait in this position until the husband arrives, even if the time limit has passed. Remember you have been punished by your your husband, not by yourself. He should still be in control until the time limit is over, and signal an end to the punishment by putting his hand on your shoulder and telling you so. After corner time the woman should be free to dress and be under no further orders. Her bottom may still be red and very sore, but the husband should resist any temptations to soothe her, or rub her bottom with oil. Part of the punishment is the pain that comes during and after the spanking. It was her actions that brought this pain and discomfort, and it will serve as a reminder for her that day, and possibly the next.

Final Words

Some key points to consider before trying Domestic Discipline

  1. I can't stress how important it is to openly communicate with your partner. If you can not talk about everything with your partner right now, you must work on that first before you even consider trying DD. It is not a game, so do not treat it as such.
  2. If you do decide to try Domestic Discipline, both of you must be willing to put in the time and effort. Once you have come up with a plan, it must be followed every time.
  3. Come up with a plan of action, listing behavior or actions that will no longer be tolerated. Each of these points must be discussed in depth with the person who is currently committing these acts, so there will be no mistake when a rule is broken and when punishment must be administered.
  4. Go over exactly what will happen when a rule is broken and a spanking must be given so there are no awkward moments and everything flows smoothly. Both of you will probably be very nervous the first time, so the less awkward things are the better. It is a good idea to do a rehearsal when both of your are talking about this plan, compared to leaving it to the last minute. Practice what will take place, which I will outline below, minus the actual spanking.
  5. When a rule is broken and a spanking is to be administered, the following procedure works best:
    a) Have the woman take a straight back chair without arms (kitchen chairs work best) and place it in the center of the living room. As I mentioned in this article, the punishment should take place in the living room and not the bedroom or any other room.
    b) The man should seat himself in the chair, and without being told the woman should approach from his right side (if he is left handed, the left side) and pull down her pants and panties to her knees. If she is wearing a skirt or dress she should pull it up in the back and then pull her panties down to her knees while keeping the skirt/dress up in the back. Do not undress completely, as it is only necessary for your bottom to be bared and this event should not be confused with something sexual in nature.
    c) Position yourself with your hips over his right knee (left knee if he is left handed), and adjust yourself accordingly if your husband requests it. The first couple times you go over your husband's lap may require some practice to put yourself in the perfect position, but after it should come naturally. Your goal is to have your bottom high and angled with your head low with hands on the floor, and feet together also on the floor. (See pictures below)

  6. Finally the spanking, as outlined in this article. Remember no two people are a like, so you really need to use your best judgment in this area. My husband spanks me for over a minute with firm, but not full force strokes. This will leave me crying real tears, sometimes uncontrollably. Other women will reach this stage in a minute, some it may take a few minutes of firm, steady spanking. Guys don't be wimps and give soft pats, but don't use all your strength either. With a little experimentation you will find a medium that is the perfect amount of force.. not too light and not too hard.
  7. The corner time as outlined in this article. Don't skip this part! It is a very important section and should be followed as closely as described as possibly.

    I hope your readers will enjoy my article on Domestic Discipline. And I hope now that those who are interested in this subject, now have a much better understanding of it, and have enough info to make a logical decision on whether it is right for them.

Yours Truly,

The Spanking News